


To Be Free Again

by whereyoustand



Category: The Ultimate Sidemen
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Chronic Pain, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Major Character Injury, Men Crying, Mental Health Issues, Physical Therapy, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24523963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whereyoustand/pseuds/whereyoustand
Summary: Ethan didn't register it at first, he only heard grinding metal and the shattering of his windows. He felt himself get turned and tussled when it finally stopped. He was on the verge of passing out and as he looked down and saw his legs twisted horribly. He let out a whimper as he realised that he couldn't feel his legs.OREthan gets into a car accident and has to learn to walk again. There are moments where he wanted to give up but he quickly had his friends help him feel better again. These are some of those moments.
Relationships: Ethan Payne & The Ultimate Sidemen
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	To Be Free Again

It was late after a sidemen shoot. Ethan was on his way home after leaving the shoot first out of everyone else. He waited at a red light, tapping his finger on the steering wheel in time to his music. Ethan wasn't a great driver but he was always safe and knew what to do in almost every situation.

He quickly arrived on the motorway and cautiously watched the other drivers. Ethan let out a gasp as he saw the person in the lane left to him spin out and slam into Ethan's side. And, as quickly as Ethan could blink, another car beside him collided into his side.

Ethan didn't register it at first, he only heard grinding metal and the shattering of his windows. He felt himself get turned and tussled when it finally stopped. He was on the verge of passing out and as he looked down and saw his legs twisted horribly. He let out a whimper as he realised that he couldn't feel his legs.

He reached down to his cup holder where his phone lay, thankfully only minimally damaged. Ethan's shaky hands dialled 999 as he surveyed the rest of the area for damage."Hello, I need an ambulance please?" Ethan requested. "I'm on the M25 and there's been an accident. There are three cars I think. I can't feel my legs." Ethan couldn't help but sob, he was more scared than he ever had been in his life. Ethan continued to stay on call until the ambulance arrived before hanging up.

As the firefighters and paramedics pried Ethan out of his car, all he could think about was how this was going to affect everything. He didn't want to die nor did he want to be bound to a wheelchair. He was preparing what he'd say to his mum and his friends if he found out he wasn't going to make it.

"Do you want to text someone?" The paramedic asked as they drove to the hospital. Ethan nodded and took his phone from the paramedic.

Ethan looked down at his top and let out a small sob, seeing the blood soak through it. "This is one of my favourite tops." He whimpered trying to shift his focus on to anything else other than the intense pain he was feeling. He looked at his phone, thankfully the paramedics grabbed some of his things in the car so he could have them on him.

Ethan shakily opened his contacts to text the group chat but was met with messages from all whose friends who saw the accident on the news.

_Josh - Ethan we saw your car on the news are you all right? Call me when you can_

_JJ - If don't call one of us as soon as you read this I'm going to be pissed._

_Harry - Please be okay x_

_Simon - Ethan please answer!!!!_

_Vik - ETHAN!_

_Tobi - Sending you my love, brother. Please respond._

Ethan brushed through the rest of the messages and text a simple,

_Ethan - I'm on my way to St Thomas, can someone phone my mum, please._

_Simon - Josh is on the phone to her now, we're all on our way. are you okay?_

_Ethan - IDK, I can't feel my legs. I'm pulling up to the hospital now._

Ethan turned his phone off as they rushed him to get x-rays so they could see the damage. The doctor explained how Ethan had a shattered knee, a broken leg, and a broken pelvis, alongside the large gash in his arm. The friendship group quickly arrived. Ethan tried to hide the fact he had been crying with a smile before he was taken into surgery. He told them to tweet something on his behalf before any fake news could spread. They hesitantly agreed and Ethan was wheeled off to surgery.

' _@/sidemen - Half an hour ago, Ethan was in a car accident and is now going into surgery. We are all worried at this very second so please keep in mind that none of us will be active during this time._ '

It wasn't the news the group was expecting when they turned on the local news channel. There had been a burglary nearby and they wanted to see the details. It was when the newscaster explained there had been an accident near Ethan's road that they all perked up. Images flashed on the screen of the accident when Josh stood up,

"That's Ethan's car." He muttered, pulling out his phone to text Ethan.

"Oh my-" Simon muttered.

"You don't think he's-" Harry started

"No! Someone call him!" Tobi exclaimed.

"He's not answering," Vik said shakily.

"He's just replied to the chat. Boys we have to go!" JJ yelled. And all the guys quickly ran out the door to go help their best friend. Josh was on the phone to Ethan's mum. They were all panicking, talking over one and over in Simon's car. They pulled up at the hospital only having a few minutes before Ethan was rolled into surgery.

Ethan woke up hours later after his surgery to see his friends were all oddly sat on the seats and the floor. The pain quickly appeared again and Ethan was crying from the pain travelling up his legs.

A doctor emerged quickly and calmed Ethan down before giving him some painkillers.

"Are you feeling better, Mr Payne?" The doctor asked. Ethan nodded slowly.

"I will be." He whispered. "What's going on with my condition? How long until I can get out of here?"

"You've got to stay here for a minimum of two months I'm afraid. But, I must warn you that there's a chance you may not be able to walk again." The doctor explained softly. Ethan nodded and let out a choked sob.

"Is it a high chance?" Josh asked from the side.

"I don't have the exact statistics but I'd say around a seventy-five per cent chance you won't walk again." The doctor replied.

"Are the others okay?" Ethan asked. "In the accident? Were the others okay?"

"Yes, because you were in the middle, you had collisions from both sides meaning you got the brunt of the attack." The doctor answered.

"If you have any other questions don't hesitate to call me. A nurse will bring your food in an hour roughly." The doctor smiled and exited shortly.

"Your mum is about an hour away," Vik said after the doctor left. Ethan just nodded, the new information making him feel sick.

"I'm going to be out of videos for a while huh." Ethan huffed out a laugh. "Fans are either gonna love it or hate it."

"We've already got those two videos filmed so you'll be sorted until they go up." Simon chuckled.

"We can always have calls or have you do a fucking tour of my hospital room!" Harry joked.

"This is so fucking unfair!" JJ suddenly yelled.

"Jide," Ethan whispered, eyebrows furrowed.

"No this isn't fair! You did nothing wrong, man. Yet, you might not walk again? Fuck the universe!" JJ exclaimed.

"It's how the world works, JJ," Ethan stated. "I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm alive and shouldn't that be what matters? I am terrified, okay? So, please just think about that for now? Please?"

"Sorry, this is just scary," JJ whispered.

"I know," Ethan whispered back.

"We should release a statement. I'm sure the fans are nervous." Tobi stated.

"I've already got one written. I was going to wait to post it until he was awake again." Josh explained.

"Okay, feel free to post." Ethan smiled. "I'm gonna sleep, sorry."

"We'll be right here when you wake up," Simon whispered.

Ethan's eyes kept drifting shut and he finally succumbed to tiredness and fell asleep.

' _@/sidemen - We are happy to announce that after a car accident and many hours of invasive surgery, Ethan is alive and in stable condition. He may not appear in a video for a while but he is focusing more on his health and his recovery_ '

Ethan was bedbound for a week, unable to move from the surgery and his injuries. So, when he was allowed in a wheelchair, he was ecstatic. It took him a couple of tries to get him going but soon he was showing off to the boys and able to get some fresh air and explore the entertainment rooms in the hospital.

The boys were filming the progress made, not planning on posting it anywhere but just as a small thing for them to look back on as Ethan recovered.

Ethan was wheeling himself back to his hospital room as the friends left to get some food and other things for Ethan. Ethan had been scrolling through twitter on his phone when he saw the flux of tweets about fans worrying about the entire sidemen channel future if Ethan couldn't partake in most challenges.

Ethan felt tears in his eyes and he stared at himself in the mirror and removed his hands from the wheel to place them in his lap.

"What are you doing?" JJ asked from the door, making him jump.

"Oh, um, just trying to picture me in the future," Ethan replied. "Still bound to this fucking wheelchair."

"Come on, man. Stop talking like that. They said give it another three months and they'll know for certain. There's still a chance."

Ethan just nodded.

"We got food and your pillow. Figured you wanted a piece of home." JJ smiled.

Ethan nodded. "Thank you."

Ethan quickly adapted to the hospital, watching the uploads his friends made at night when everyone left so he didn't feel so alone. More of his friends came to visit or sent in cards and gifts to show their support. Ethan's mum stayed for as long as she could until she had to leave but would quickly return on her days off.

But when the day came that Ethan was discharged, he was ecstatic. Finally able to go home and get some proper fresh air. Despite the long walk, Ethan was insistent on walking home, making up some bullshit lie about how he just wanted to enjoy the outside.

"You can tell us if you're scared about getting in the car." Josh had said softly.

Ethan had gulped, unable to respond.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about," Vik said.

"I still remember the sound of it. It was so loud and-" Ethan's whisper hitched. "I can't just hop back in one."

"That's okay. We can work on that." Josh smiled and started pushing Ethan's wheelchair.

"You'll back in one soon. You're gonna do so well." Simon stated.

"What if I never drive again?" Ethan whispered.

"Let's tackle one problem at a time." Simon smiled softly. "You can go to physical therapy and then we'll work on driving."

Ethan nodded and soaked up the sunshine that he had missed the past two months.

The next week, Ethan sat in the waiting room and waited for his name to get called out. Tobi was sat next to him, reading one of the stupid magazines from about five years ago. Ethan couldn't focus on them though, the anxiety catching up to him. He was scared to go to physical therapy, the idea of learning to walk again was a scary concept. There were two-year-olds that could walk better then he could as a twenty-four-year-old man.

"Ethan Payne?" A woman stood holding a clipboard smiling. Ethan nudged Tobi and he started wheeling towards the door.

"So you haven't been to physical therapy before have you?" The woman asked.

"Um, no," Ethan answered, tapping his fingers anxiously.

"You can relax. My name is Jane. So who's this?" She motioned to Tobi. "Are you partners, friends, brothers, or-?"

Ethan chuckled quietly as Tobi smiled, "I'm his friend, Tobi."

"Ah okay. So, this session will be a basic assessment and whatnot. We'll get started on a couple of exercises." Jane explained. "So what happened?"

Ethan spent that session understanding that physical therapy was going to be painful, emotionally and physically. Ethan was worried but he was ecstatic when a few days later he was in front of the camera recording for the Sidemen channel again. 

"Guess who's back!" Ethan cheered alongside his friends. "It's been a hot minute but here I am."

"Yeah for all of you who don't know, Ethan would you like to explain what happened?" Simon asked.

"I was in a bit of a car accident."

"A bit-" JJ snorted.

"And I am learning to use my legs again so I'll be sitting a lot more because I can't stand," Ethan explained. "So I have a shattered knee, a broken leg, and a broken pelvis. And I cut my arm so I have a scar now."

"Yeah, but the ladies like scars and guys with cool injuries, don't they?" Vik commented, laughing slightly. And the video continued, no one mentioning Ethan's accident and instead joking and filming videos like normal.

Ethan knew that physical therapy would be a painful and emotionally draining experience but he knew he needed to do it. It always left him feeling horrible about himself after every session. It was a particularly bad day where he woke up feeling horrible that all he did was rely on his friends to make sure he was able to get out of bed in the morning. They all rotated daily to make sure that someone was there to help Ethan.

Ethan was in pain and Jane was pushing him to his limits. Someone came to appointments so Ethan wasn't alone. Ethan had started going to some appointments alone because he didn't like the idea of his friends babysitting him in every situation. But, because of how bad Ethan was feeling, Simon accompanied him and saw Ethan at his worst.

"I can't do it!" Ethan cried. "Please, I can't it hurts so bad. My knee."

"You are doing so well Ethan," Simon whispered.

"If I was doing well, I wouldn't be in this place!" Ethan sobbed. "I want to walk. Why is it so hard?"

"You almost died Ethan. Please, you have to realise that they didn't think you were gonna stand up let alone start physical therapy." Simon explained. "If you want to go home, we'll go home. But I promise you that you can do this!"

"I want to go home." Ethan sobbed.

Simon sighed but nodded, "Okay. We'll go." Simon said goodbye to Jane and him and Ethan made their way back to Ethan's flat. They stayed silent, Ethan too scared of Simon's reaction to his breakdown.  
  


Ethan laid in his bed as tears streamed down his face.

"Ethan? You coming out to dinner with us?" Harry asked as he walked through the door, voice soft. "I know you haven't been out of bed all day but we want you to come with us."

Ethan remained silent, his hands shaking.

"Ethan? What's the matter?" Harry walked further into the room and sat on the opposite side of the bed. "Do you want to talk?" He asked.

Ethan shook his head which meant Harry got an easier look at his tears.

"Please Ethan," Harry begged.

"I wish I wasn't like this. Do you know what it's like being in chronic pain?" Ethan whispered and Harry remained silent. "It feels like if a breathe a certain way my entire leg will shatter. I can't lay on it because it'll hurt even more so my entire body goes numb. It feels like one thousand knives are pressed into my legs and if I move just an inch then those knives will all go deeper into my leg. I have to rely on people now and I don't want to."

"We know you don't want to Ethan. And we're sorry you're in a lot of pain but you have to let us help." Harry whispered. "You're going to get better. You are so strong. You're one of my heroes and you told me not to give up when my mental health takes a toll. So, please, don't give up now." Harry begged and the two of them fell into a silence as Harry stood up. "I'll go get you a heating pad and we'll get you relaxed."

Harry walked out of the room after hearing no protest from the man in bed, he saw all the other boys getting ready and frowned when Harry came out alone.

"Is he not coming?" Simon asked.

Harry shook his head. "I'm staying here with him. He's in a lot of pain."

"We can stay-" Josh started.

"No, lads! It's fine. I'll call if I need anything." Harry chuckled softly.

The friends all hesitantly agreed before exiting. Harry heated the small pad and bought it back into Ethan's room and placed it on his knee. Ethan hissed at the touch but soon relaxed as his knee start relaxing a bit more.

"If you want to make some food you can," Ethan whispered to Harry.

"I'll order us a pizza," Harry said. "We can share and get some sides."

"Harry you don't have to," Ethan said.

"Bold of you to assume that I'm doing it because I have to." Harry snorted. "I'm doing this because I want to."

"You never asked for this." Ethan sighed.

"You didn't either." Harry retorted.

Ethan still felt guilt bubbling in his stomach as Harry ordered him his favourite pizza.

"Can I give you a hug?" Harry whispered.

"Yeah," Ethan whispered back and Harry quickly wrapped his arms around him.

A few weeks passed and Ethan was making progress in his physical therapy, working on exercises at home. He was improving massively and couldn't wait to show his friends.

"May I quickly show all you lads something?" Ethan asked, interrupting the video they were doing. The boys all exchanged confused looks but nodded.

Ethan took a deep breath and pressed his hands on the arms of his wheelchair and pushed himself up. He was shaky and slow but eventually, he was standing up, without holding on, and he took a few steps forward before doing jazz hands.

The other guys immediately started cheering and Ethan let out a big grin and laughed. JJ got emotional as Harry stood beside Ethan to hold him up as Ethan's knees got a little weaker.

"I can't stand for long but do you guys realise what this means?" Ethan grinned as he sat back down.

"No way!" Simon exclaimed.

"You're gonna walk?" Josh beamed. "Like properly walk?"

Ethan let out a laugh and nodded. The guys broke out into a cheer again, all getting emotional at the news.

"We're so fucking proud of you, brother!" Tobi whispered, hugging Ethan tightly.

Ethan let out a few tears and let out a soft chuckle. "They think I'm going to be able to walk up the stairs by the end of this month. If I can walk okay with crutches."

"There are no words to explain how happy we are for you!" Vik laughed.

"Let's go, man! Let's fucking go!" JJ started jumping and screaming with excitement and Ethan just laughed.

Ethan giggled, tears forming in his eyes, he felt so loved and valued by his friends.

Like he was told, by the end of the month Ethan was able to walk up a few flights of stairs without assistance. JJ and Ethan were coming back from a meal and Ethan had told Ethan he wanted to walk up to his flat. JJ was happy to help Ethan climb the stairs despite Ethan's flat being on floor 18.

He got glares from his neighbour who made a snarky remark that he shouldn't waste everyone's time ("Just because you earn more money than us doesn't mean you have to waste everyone's time, fucking cripple."). It made Ethan feel awful but JJ was quick to come up with an insult ("Shut up you ableist bitch, just because you feel a need to spread so much hatred, fuck off.") as he reassured Ethan that he was doing great ("You're doing great, mate, keep going."). Although, he managed to get to the third floor when his leg almost gave out and he went in the lift to get to his floor, fifteen floors higher than the one he was on.

"What's the time?" Ethan had asked when they got in the lift.

"Um, 3:36," JJ replied, checking his phone.

"It took me half an hour to get up three flights of stairs?" Ethan groaned. "The woman was right. I am wasting everyone's time."

"No, you're not," JJ stated firmly. "She was being a bitch. You've done so fucking well, man."

Ethan smiled weakly, legs aching slightly. "Thanks, Jide."

"Don't mention it." JJ smiled back.

Ethan continued practising and soon was able to walk around without being in too much pain. He was given a new knee brace so he could put it on when his knee was in pain and he struggled to walk. But he was told by his doctors that he was going to be able to do all the activities he could in his past as long as he was careful.

Ethan knew it was risky to play a football match (even if it was a small six-a-side game with his friends) but he was missing playing and his doctors gave him the okay. So, he slowly walked to the pitch, Harry walking alongside him.

"If you feel any pain, come get me," Harry stated and Ethan nodded weakly. "I'm serious Ethan. If your legs start hurting, you have to tell one of us. Whoever is closest to you."

"Bog, I'll be fine." Ethan smiled softly, patting Harry's shoulder. Harry nodded and they made their way to the respective sides of the pitch. Ethan stretched as the match started. Thankfully he was defending so the ball didn't come up to his end during the pitch that much.

But even with him being away from the action, Ethan was still rushing back and leaned on his knee. Lux had tackled Ethan but it thankfully didn't hurt him. Ethan had the ball and was passing it between him and Tobi. Tobi had been called over to the other side of the pitch when Ethan put his foot on the ball and it slid under his foot. Ethan's foot quickly hit the floor causing his knee to move in a way it probably shouldn't have. It had been aching all day but this hit the nail on the coffin and Ethan was suddenly in an intense amount of pain.

"Ow," Ethan whined, his knee flaring in pain. Since Tobi was at the other end of the pitch and Ethan had no one to help him. Freezy walked over to speak to Ethan when he noticed the pale look on his face.

"You all right mate?" Freezy asked softly.

Ethan let out a shaky breath and shook his head. "My knee."

"Okay, let's get you off the pitch then," Freezy whispered, wrapping his arm around Ethan's waist and pulling Ethan's arm over his shoulder. The shakily made their way off the pitch as Ethan started to feel tears brimming his eyes.

"What's happening boys?" Tobi called.

"I'm just getting Ethan to sit down, get him some water. His knee." Freezy explained as JJ ran over to also wrap his arm around Ethan and get him off the pitch.

"What happened?" JJ asked, voice filled with worry.

"I think I overworked it. I need my knee brace on." Ethan muttered.

"We told you-"

"Jide not now," Ethan muttered

"No. Yes, now." JJ said firmly. "We warned you. We told you to tell us if it starts hurting. Your doctor told you to not overwork yourself."

"I know, I know. I thought I could handle it. We're only on a break." Ethan tried to explain.

"Keep breathing mate, I'll book an Uber if you need?" JJ said.

Ethan shook his head. "I'll wait until the end of the match, you'll be a man down. I'm sure it'll stop hurting soon.

JJ stared at him for a second before nodding and walked to the pitch

When Ethan was sat in front of the camera a couple of months later, he wasn't expecting the boys to start cheering about his recovery.

"Can we all give Ethan a massive round of appulse for finally being told he won't need his crutches from this moment on and making a full recovery?" Josh exclaimed.

Ethan chuckled, blushing slightly as he stood and did a small spin and everyone cheered excitedly.

"It feels weird. Learning to walk is the weirdest thing ever. I know I'm lucky. There are some people that get into accidents and don't get out alive, let alone able to walk again." Ethan said softly, tears filling his eyes. "I went from preparing my goodbyes to my family to being able to drive my car again and getting to walk around without any pain. I've become an emotional lad because of this. I am so grateful to everyone that stuck by my side through all these times."  
  
"Don't mate. I'm gonna cry." JJ laughed.

"We're so proud of you," Josh said sincerely.

Tobi let a small cheer. "You've done so well."

"We should play a game of footie now!" Harry joked.

Simon exclaimed, "Ethan you are so strong."

"I couldn't have done this without you boys," Ethan said honestly.

"You're our best friend, Ethan," Vik said.

Ethan wiped away his tears, he was on cloud nine, surrounded by hid friends, his brothers. He was able to walk and live his life normally again. Sure, he struggled to get back into his car but when he did, he felt free again. He felt like himself.


End file.
